A ‘Balinese’ morning

It was Day 4 at Bali, and I knew something wasn’t right in my mind. I wondered why I wasn’t connecting like I would during my travels – I was either in the past or in the future. Mind chatter was in full swing taking me to the past – Oh, I could have used my time better yesterday, I could have visited this place or that, I could have engaged in this activity or that. I was in a ‘tourist mindset’ of covering spots, rather than the ‘traveller mindset’ of enjoying an experience; or the future - I need to plan the next stop, the next Airbnb, the next ticket to the next place. I knew this wasn’t the headspace I wanted to be in. This morning, I decided to transform back to a state of ‘present’.

I walked to the nearby café. Our Airbnb was at a place called Canngu in the main island of Bali, while the BnB was nestled in a quiet spot surrounded by wilderness, just less than 300 meters away was the main lane of Canggu bustling with activity. I had noted that this café opens at 7.00 am in the morning. It’s called Sangkala. I sat down, informed the person at the counter that I needed sometime before I order that beloved cup of coffee, went onto Instagram to connect with my dear ones, chatted with my brother and a friend, and then just sat, wondering how I should get to a ‘present’ state. I knew I had to write. (the power of intention). There is magic in writing, it puts me in flow, in the moment, more present than ever. There was no new thought for an article, so I decided to just go back to an old piece that I wanted to complete. As I opened the page, and even before I started to read, I witnessed a scene….

There was a young Balinese boy, maybe 19-20 years old, who usually manages the counter at the café, hugging a white woman, seemed like she was in her 50s, and he said ‘goodbye mama’ a few times and I’m sort of sure I spotted a tear escape his eye. It touched my heart so deeply, watching them bid their goodbyes, that I did not catch myself saying ‘hello’ to the woman as she moved towards the exit of the café.

'Sometimes, it is subconscious, involuntary as they say, my conscious mind hadn’t registered that I was going to reach out to her, but it just happened'

She walked up to me and sat down, as if we were “related” or “old friends” and both our eyes welled up in tears, I still haven’t understood why. But why answer the why, so we just experienced the ‘flow of the moment’.

The words again with no conscious intention of mine, found their way... I said “I saw your guys hug out there, it looked special” … and just like that, she shared her story…  

Joanne, from New Zealand, was living in Bali for the last 2.5 years (she probably visited the cafe regularly and the boy who worked at the cafe had developed a bond with her) and was to return to her home country in a couple of days. She said she lived here with her husband and they were now separated. She loved him deeply, but her back broke about a month ago because he would hit her. So finally, after 14 years of being with him, she decided to separate and go back to her home country, stay with her sister’s family, to heal. She said she needed to heal – both physically and emotionally.

She wasn’t looking for sympathy, she wasn’t trying to make a point, I couldn’t sense hatred for her husband, she just spoke, as if she was updating an old friend about the current status of her life.

I smiled, hoping my tears wouldn’t show, and told her that she is meant to heal. She then spoke about how she doesn’t feel hatred. She said that there is Joe 1 and Joe 2 (name changed), and that Joe 1 is a lovely person, but Joe 2 is violent. She thought love would make Joe 2 go away, and that’s why she stayed for 14 long years, but it did not. Joe 2 was in control, and Joe 1 was caged. I told her that it is great that she felt unconditional love, but it wasn’t her responsibility to release Joe 1 from the cage. She smiled and agreed. 

She continued, she said I think it is good for both of us to go our own way. I wouldn’t say I am not angry and I don’t hurt (of course she is, that is what makes her real, I was glad she did not bottle it up in forgiveness, until she was really ready to forgive), but I do feel sorry for him and I do feel love, and I hope he heals, because there is something in him that is doing this to him, it is not the core of him. I wish him the best.   

I couldn’t help but celebrate her state of ‘being’, of really getting that this isn’t him but some sort of ‘dark energy’ as she put it. And I applaud her for the courage to take a step back to move forward.

I was so connected to her, that not many words came out of me, just an occasional smile and a nod as she spoke. And I am glad I could listen and not offer my opinion and counsel. I did not have any, she seemed so connected with herself, and seemed to have resolved it for herself, but she did say ‘I need time to heal, so I am going back home’. I leave with one suitcase, I leave everything else back – the house, everything in the house – with him. He may need it.

A tear escaped my eye. We have heard of spiritual awakening; I came very close to experiencing it in her. 

Having worked in the social impact sector, one emotional skill I have learnt is ‘resilience’. The heavy empath in me, relates so deeply to a story that I could be an emotional mess, but when I transitioned to the sector in 2009, I consciously decided to build resilience. I knew that if I had to help communities, I will need to empathize and yet hold myself together with a little bit of distance to gain perspective on what they need, and that’s how I could help them. That’s the only way I could show up for them. This resilience came handy today. While Joanne’s story was a sad one, (hopefully waiting for a happy turn at the end of the road), and while I connected with her deeply, I had resilience on my side to offer support through this conversation. By listening, by being centered, I could tell her that she took the right decision and its time for her to heal, I could intend strongly and even tell her that she will live a long happy life from here on.

I applaud women like Joanne. Her resilience amazed me. Her love brought out the love in me. She said it all happens for a reason, maybe I can help someone, someday.

I finally spoke. I told her that ‘she has power like no one else’ – the power to help so many who may be in a situation like her. I told her that most people in such a situation would harbour hatred and anger that it would eat them up and harm them, but that she is able to remove herself from the situation and look at it with perspective, in spite of being in the situation, IS POWER.

I reiterated to her ‘You are Power, you have the power to show ‘the way’ to so many others like you’. 

She responded saying ‘It’s a parting gift, that I met you.” I was thinking the other way round, that I needed to meet her on a morning when I wasn’t centered. I felt she brought out the good in me.

We hugged, deep inside I wished with all my heart and more that she would heal, speedily and fully, physically and emotionally.

Every time I catch my mind chatter complaining about something, the universe has its way of bringing me a story, we had a teary-eyed moment there, as she said ‘we are all related’,

And I say ‘here’s to the ‘being’ in all of us!’

PS: Here’s a small mention to https://www.impossibletransformations.com/

Why? While I always connected with strangers deeply, even though we are not related, I found vocabulary for that connection with the help of the coaches at Impossible Transformations and my fellow beings at the ‘Being Centered Leaders’ Program.

If you are curious, linking it up for you here : https://www.impossibletransformations.com/individual-leadership-programme-offerings/the-being-centred-leader-leadership-development-programme/

To the #being in all of us!

Note: Joanne's consent has been take before publishing this piece.